Personal | relationships

A Single Momma Dating in the Age of Tinder

09/24/2017

Yes, I use Tinder and not ashamed of it.  While Tinder has made a bad reputation in many parts of the world especially in Europe and America.  I’ve known a lot of people, real people, blogger friends in fact who have found love via this dating app.  In the first world countries, Tinder is a hook-up app where two consenting adults who match meet up and you know hook-up.   Here in the Philippines , I speak for myself and friends I know, they/we used Tinder to find love.

For a career oriented or busy woman like me, I don’t have time or rather don’t want to waste my time finding someone to  date in a bar or set up by a friend or whatever.  Tinder gives us options to look before we leap in meeting up.   Find a common ground without leaving our comfort zone.  Be close with someone to actually feel comfortable meeting in person.

However for some who uses the app, especially the men, they use the app for just hook-ups.   For them, why be serious when you can go wham bam thank you ma’am in this app.  While some girls in there are there for “work” , you know find customers.

How do I know this?  Through the men I have matched and talked with on Tinder of course.

I’ve used it since I started using Grab and Uber , roughly around 3 years.  I use it intermittently, when I’m not dating anyone of  course or when I’m bored or when I’m sad and feeling lonely.  I’m a woman who have needs and wants.  I’m not a child, I’m older than you think. I’m a single momma remember?

Having said that, a single momma dating in the age of Tinder is 10 times more difficult than a single woman no attachments , no child, no baggage.

First of, when men know you are a single momma, they instantly think you are desperate and easy.  Sex won’t be an issue because hey you are  not a single virgin girl.  Duh what are your reservations for, they always have that at the back of their minds .

Sure, why not, sex is just sex.  I can do casual sex if I want to.  I’d do it if I like to with anyone I choose to but not everyone!

During the times I used Tinder I have met up in real life with 4 different people.

First one I set up to meet at a bar event I was attending. Hey, I wanna be safe and be surrounded with people I know.  I don’t like meeting someone I just talked with online with no people I know around.  During that time, the people I was with didn’t know I was meeting up with someone.  They just assumed a guy in the bar and a girl meeting situation kinda thing.  This guy I met I guess got intimidated with me because he though I was a big time career woman and I am out of his league.  The event was kinda bit high-end party.  This guy was European, not so tall, was here for a business trip.

Second guy I met , I was a bit daring.  We have been chatting for months.  We clicked online.  We can talk about a lot of things under the sun. What I liked about him was he regularly checks on me, messages me regularly and doesn’t go missing on days and end unlike others.  We decided to meet just us at a familiar place to me.  Then I caught an accident on our meeting.  What happened next gave me the feel of who he was.  Not that gentleman as I wished or maybe he got nervous I did too.  He was American.  After that meeting I never talked to him again.

Third guy I met is another American.   We met at a cafe near the gym he frequents.  We had a nice talk he was good looking.  But I guess no sparks for us.  After the coffee we went to a bookstore and then said our goodbyes.  No second date after.  You know the 3 days rule.  I waited for him to message me back after we met but he didn’t.  So I guess he wasn’t interested.  He seemed nice though.  But nice that he never lead me on which is good.

The fourth guy I met was French.  We met on Tinder Valentines day.  Yes one of those lonely nights.  He was an expat here for an NGO we all know.  He was out of town that Vday week so we met a week after when he got back in Manila.   It was a funny meeting because the first time I saw him at a cafe I frequent he didn’t saw me but I saw him.  For some stupid reason I ran off when I saw him.  He knew I was there so he asked where I was..  He chased after  me and we had dinner.   I ran away coz I got intimidated with his looks.  But we clicked somehow .  We had dinner then he took me home, to my home ok.  He was a gentleman.  I liked him so we dated some more.    He invited me to the house where he lived.   We dated .  Accidentally met his teenage daughter (he is a single dad as well).  We had a great time together. Until he confessed he has a girlfriend off-shore he meets her at least twice a year. He lives in different countries coz of his job, it was his first year here when we met.  I was crushed somehow, I don’t like being second choice and I don’t like competing for attention and love, so I became cold.  I thought it was him.  We had sparks.  I ghosted on him after.  He tried to communicate but I was cold.  I can be cold when I get crushed.  Defense mechanism.   I felt sadder when he told me he left the country for another country assignment.  He said he wanted to see me again, and even say goodbye before he left but I seem disinterested.  I was hurt OK.

After him, I haven’t Tindered again yet because it’s hard to invest time and feelings somehow.  I am still waiting for my Tinderella story.  That is when I decide to install and use the app again .

 

Back story:

Before Tindering I used to date a European I met in bar. You know the kind of story you only see in movies happened to me.  A guy spied me on a bar.  We had common friends who were in the bar that night. We were introduced and he never left my side after.  We kissed in the bar (something I never done in my life ever until that time) Never knew what got into me but it happened.  He was so cute, very tall, very Ken (you know Barbie’s BF) .   He wanted me to go to his place that night but I said if he was interested in me he would call me again when we are sober. I gave my number not expecting anything.  It was a tipsy night that night.   The next day he called asked me for a date.  We dated longer than I ever dated anyone.  I really liked him. He met some of my blogger friends coz I took him to some blogger events I go to.   He introduced me to his fellow expat friends and bosses here in Manila.  When he left his other job and made his own, he got busy and we drifted.  He got very busy and I am not pushy and clingy.  I always waited for the guy to make the first move always or message.  It took him long so I went to Tinder, therefore that Tinder story above.  Then a year after when I guess his business was doing well, he messaged to see me again.  We were still the  same together when we met but he ghosted again.  I always make an excuse for him that he is busy.  But I guess busy is not an excuse for someone who was actually serious and truly interested.  The a few months after I learned he left the country for good.  We talk online sporadically so that’s where he told me he left and I shouldn’t worry coz he never said goodbye to anyone here as well.  A French exit he said.

I’m still available and hoping but not actively looking.

Are you there?  Please come!

 

 

I hope nobody gets to read this.   I just missed writing personal stories on my blog.   If you read this leave a comment and tell me your dating story.

Stay gorgeous everyone!

 

 

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