Happy Father’s Day Papa, Wherever You Are

I went to my father’s tomb last Tuesday just to see him and make necessary preparations for his 1 year death anniversary on July 7th. It’s so true that the pain of losing a love one will never ever go away. I cried again while there on his tomb and as I was staring at his picture as I light a candle for him while I pray. I so miss my dad and I feel sorry for not being that close to him when I was growing up. I was afraid of him all the time, he was the old-fashioned dad who spanked and embarrassed me for not going home before dark in high-school even if he knows I was doing church duties that time. Maybe that was the reason I became a rebel? But that was the past, I miss my dad and as I write I have a lump on my throat. Yeah I know, I’m such a cry baby. I am such an emotional fool I guess.

This morning at my daughter’s school kids rushed out of the class room proudly waving a card they personally created. Happy Father’s Day! With such elaborate colors and fun letter cut outs they made. Each parent or nanny or care giver in the waiting area were all proud with what the kid they wait for bring and told them “show that to dad, he will be glad to see that.”

I was smiling on my seat and was thinking. Sigh. I’m sorry for my daughter she doesn’t have a father to come home to and wave that card proud. No grandpa was here also to welcome her home. Ahck! Now I am crying. I have to pause for a second.

I was only able to take care of my dad after a couple of week sbefore he died. A couple days before he passed away I was able to “serve” my dad the way any daughter should serve their parents for giving them life. I feel the time serving him was not enough but I am glad I was given the chance. I grew up afraid of him and that time I was not I just feel sad that he was so weak and that he never complained until it was so obvious that he will never get well.

I love you Papa! Wherever you are. Thank you for teaching me how to cook especially the original family Christmas recipe and the best chicken macaroni salad I’ve ever had in my life. Thanks for allowing me to be pesky when you cook such yummy dishes. I will always be proud of you Papa for being such a loyal husband to Mama even if she nags you most of the time. “A father’s best gift to their children is their love for their mother”. I wish my daughter had a father like you.  Happy Father’s Day wherever you are.