Trust Issues (It’s Easy To Forgive but Not to Forget)

Forgiving someone, especially someone you love, is very easy, the problem is and the hardest part I believe is the forgetting, especially on the part of the offended. There will be so many trigger points that will come along that will bring out the hurt and the pain of all the betrayal and anger. Trust will definitely be the biggest issue, a broken trust is the hardest to repair, it’s like Humpty Dumpty, can’t put the pieces back together again, there will be cracks and some missing parts, he will never be whole again.

I found this website while checking out the links leading to my site. Somebody went to find cheating on Google and mine came up. I browsed and found this very interesting thread. It is about a cheating husband, or a husband who had cheated. If he is genuinely sorry for what he did, I hope so I read through the thread and all the tips he said how to catch a cheating husband and signs of cheating and all ugly things to discover about cheating is very informative and it deserves a space here on my Earthly Explorations.

I don’t mean to scare everyone but it’s all for the best that we are informed, prevention is better than cure, because honestly sometimes the cure doesn’t work because of the complications. I hope you read on. It’s a bitter truth you are about to read.

Here are some exerps from the thread starter:

Should she forgive me?

Some of you may not care to hear this from a guy’s perspective, but before you write me off please read my story.

I was caught cheating last year (about 9 months ago) because a friend and I got in a fight. We shared a lot of secrets, and they all came out, plus some exaggeration for spite.

When I was about 23, married with 1 kid and a wife bearing our second, some older co-workers took me to a strip club. I had been a completely faithful guy up until then. I had only been in such a place once before when I turned 18.

I was mad at my wife for stupid things (like her going dancing with friends). Looking back I was always a suspicious and controlling partner.

Anyway, this experience led to another, and another. Soon I found myself searching places like usasexguide dot info, and learning about massage parlors, escorts, and even real prostitutes.

I started with Massage Parlors. Eventually moving into escorts who came to my hotel and eventually I picked up several girls right off the street. This went on for about 3 years. Sometimes I would go months without thinking about it and other times I found myself leaving work in the middle of the day to visit a massage parlor or search the streets/strip clubs.

Somedays I felt guilt and pledged to quit. I always justified my actions by thinking of the ways my wife had “hurt” or “neglected” me. “She probably has cheated on me” I would tell myself.

I cheated on her for 3 years, having intercourse with over 20 women and receiving other paid sex acts in my car countless times. It took her 4 months to drag the whole truth out of me. I believe she stayed with me because we have kids. I am sure she loves me and is in denial about who I am, too.

I had an opportunity to “date” a girl who really liked me but I “drew the line” there. I used to joke with my friend “If you aren’t paying for it it’s cheating”. We were pretty messed up……

…..On the flip side I will share some insight from the “devil” himself, guys like me.

The Lies We Tell You: I could never remember the lies I told my wife. She had a MUCH better memory than I did. I only tried the truth because I thought God would honor that and help heal my marriage. Some days I regret it. I told her things she would NEVER have discovered and I know it made things worst. Even after hearing the truth she still sometimes wanders if there is more.

Everyone I know who has ever been caught NEVER told even a fraction of the truth. The probabiltity of getting caught is low. YOu can bet your husband has done 10 times more than what he was caught doing.

One thing I noticed about me that changed was my anger level. Once I told her everything I stopped getting angry when she questioned me. Sometimes she questions the same events every day and I calmly and humbly answer. She gets mad and leaves, I give her the space she needs. I also remember to apoligize sincerely whenever we talk about it. If he is still getting mad, he is still hiding stuff and probably thinking about doing it again……

Pretty interesting read right?

Here is from another bad guy:

…… I don’t mean to sound dirty, but theres something I’ve come to understand about the male body, having sex once or twice a week doesn’t really provide any great satisfaction…. It literally just provides relief. For a man to have sex after a pause, isn’t wonderful the 1st time, because the man’s already ‘overloaded,’ from days of inactivity and believe me, in the excitment of it, hes done in ’60 seconds’ (pardon the pun). The feeling a man gets really isn’t wonderful, because the orgasm is really fast and so you don’t get much satisfaction, just RELIEF. For men its the second go round that is great! I mean a man needs to have sex twice in a day (an hour or morning and night between them), and the second time will be great, but hte first not.

Well the thing is a man needs to be at least RELIEVED of it. I mean, when you are walking around with a loaded gun, its easy to loose control, however in all honesty, if you gun isn’t overloaded, then its much MUCH easier for the man to be in control of himself. Listen this is all anonymous, I’d die of embarresment to ever say this outloud, but there are times I am extremely horny and am contemplating going to an escort, but instead I ‘relieve’ myself, and as soon as I’m done, I have absolutely no desire to go to a service at all, and loath the idea. I mean I can relieve myself 10 times straight, but by the 11th time, I lose control and just go to an escort.……

From a scorned wife:

I don’t know if your wife should forgive you that is up to her. I am living a nightmare, gave birth to a baby 5 weeks ago (beautiful boy). I feel empty, resentful, angry for the lack of respect that my husband had for me and for our child. He put both at risk and never felt guilty while I didn’t know. He feels guilty now (he says) because I know. He told me that if I had not discovered him, he would have gone forever, but now it doesn’t have any desires to go back. I don’t now if I can believe him or not, I can never be 100% sure of what he says. I am very confused, I love him very much, but I feel I don’t know him at all. I need to rebuild my trust, but I don’t know how. Thank you for sharing your story with honesty, it must be very difficult. I didn’t feel the need of betraying my husband out of revenge, but I became obsessed with wanting to know as much info as possible about his women (escorts and “massage girls”). I can feel your wife’s pain, her scars like mine will be very difficult to erase. Even if I forgive him, I’ll never be able to forget, I will never feel attractive and will always feel insecure about myself, thinking that he has chosen other women over me. Good luck for your future, keep clean and thank you again for sharing your story.
S.V.

There’s just so much in there to read. Go check it out for yourself here.

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2 Comments

  1. Yeah Sphinx, gaining the trust back is the much harder process. Forgiving is easy to give to someone you love but forgetting the horrible things he did, the betrayal and trust, is one of the worst things your husband can do to you.

  2. I believe that the old saying that says “Forgive and forget” is asking too much. When a person gets hurt, forgiving is hard, but forgetting is harder. In cases of wives learning that their husbands cheated on them, I think that they will find it more difficult to believe that their husbands won’t cheat again so they have to gain their wives’ trust all over again.

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