Is It OK For Your Man To Have Female Friends?

Maybe I have jealousy issues but when it comes to your man having female friends, where do you draw the line? Here’s a story that can give you more clue about what I mean:

One Friday evening a few weeks back I found myself camped on the couch with an unwelcome summer bout of strep throat. The huz had been more than a superstar over the previous week, answering every call for cranberry juice and SpaghettiO’s and carting me, feverish and grumpy, to the doctor. Sensing his need to break out of sickbay and avoid another night of old romantic comedies, I said, “Any plans tonight? You should go out.  I realize I’m about as fun as my high school principal.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I was thinking of heading out for a drink with a friend.”

“Cool. Who are going out with?”

“I’ve been texting with Katarina.”

“Katarina?” I croaked. “Who’s that?”

“You remember?” he said. “I told you about her. We worked together on that short film.”

“Oh. No, I don’t remember. Have I met her?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, what does she look like?”

“She’s a blond surfer chick — looks a bit like Kate Bosworth …”

“Yeah, no, I don’t remember you mentioning her,” I said.

He sat texting on the couch as I attempted to focus all my energy on Meg Ryan’s girlish glee in French Kiss. But Meg’s tragic wardrobe was distracting and I felt a touch miffed. Had subjection to too many rom-coms made my man want to date? Or had 40 hours of atrophy on the couch robbed me of all perspective? He is your husband — I told myself — he is allowed to have female friends. But is he allowed to have hot, mysterious friends I don’t know? I needed to get a grip but despite my intentions to give him the benefit, a Friday night Margarita with this new model-esque amiga, sounded downright date-esque. I decided to hold my tongue, took my thoughts to the bedroom and called a girlfriend.

“He’s going out for a drink with a girl who looks like Kate Bosworth,” I blurted.“Not cool,’’ she said. “He’s not allowed.”

“Really though?” I said, “I mean, I have guy friends…”

“Not any new ones since you’ve been married. Except that divorcé who hits on you. He’s not your friend.”

She was right. As I searched my brain to find my male comrades, I could only come up with the odd high school guy-pal, a smatter of university mates, and, of course, gay friends. Since I had married and moved to a new city, I realized, I hadn’t made a single hetero dude-friend who wasn’t one of our “couples friends.” And, in fact, not for lack of trying — I had found it hard to meet guys without an agenda. Nonetheless, I wasn’t willing to put a “no opposite sex friendship” clause into my marriage. I hung up the phone, looked my sickly, red-nosed self in the mirror and decided to just tell the huz how I felt.

Back on the couch I said, “I feel kind of jealous that you’re going out for a drink with a girl I don’t know.”

“I sensed that. Don’t you trust me?”

“I do. It’s just that we don’t really have many opposite sex friendships,” I said. “And it feels extra out-of-the-ordinary because I’ve never met her.”

“I have friends that are girls,” he said.

“Really? How many female friends have you made since we’ve been married?”

We listed his friends out loud (Kate aside) and came to the same conclusion — his, too, were long distance friends from the past.“I guess that’s why I thought it was cool to meet a girl that I connected with,” he said.

After more discussion, he conceded that if the tables were turned he would feel the same way but that it was no way to live. So what was the answer? We had reached an impasse. I told him that I thought he should go. He didn’t feel like it anymore.

As fate would have it, she cancelled while we were sitting there. I apologized for my jealous behavior and assured him that had he gone on his platonic rendezvous, I wouldn’t have pulled a Glenn Close. We resolved to keep this topic on the table, then he brought me ice cream and we watched Just Friends.

A few weeks later, I had the opportunity to meet Katarina at a pool party and she was, well, lovely — someone we both might have called a friend if she hadn’t been moving to Colorado.

And as for whether the huz is allowed to go on opposite sex dates, I say sure … so long as they are for lunch.

But honestly even lunch would have been suspicious for me, why do they have to go on a lunch date with just the two of them when they can do it with workmates as a whole group? Unless it’s a super confidential meeting. Maybe I should ask what the people from washington chat thinks about this. They are liberated and opinionated people so maybe their views are different from mine.