Dear Tasha,
I can’t believe you are sixteen now. You grow so fast even bigger and prettier than mommy (thank goodness). The years may have passed but to me you are my forever baby. I love you more than life itself, my extraordinary sweet sixteener!
Happy Birthday my love. I hope you are truly happy. I know you can’t express your thoughts and feelings the way average people like me do, but I feel your overflowing love for me and I can’t be thankful enough.
I am sorry if you were born from an imperfect mom like me and a not so ideal ordinary family life with me, your Tita Olay and Lola. I wish to give you the best that I can I hope and pray to give you to the best that I can, we can. I know it is not enough I am trying my best.
I am sorry if you were born as special as special as can be. The divine made you the way you are for a purpose. I think your purpose is to make me a better person than I was before you.
I am thankful that the divine has given me the strength and the support from our core family (your tita and lola even if lola is now the same plane as you are now and worst). I am so glad you adapt well my love. I thank the divine that you grow up to be the sweetest, loving, kind and understanding person that you are inspite of your condition. I wish that some magical force or divine intervention just make things click for you and you can communicate with average people the way average people do the way you snap out of the average and became extraordinary when you were 2 years old. Nobody can give that exact answer why, when and how. I can blame myself for lacking in a lot of aspects, how I wish I can take it away from you. Don’t think this wish is because I don’t love you, I love your for who you are the way you are. I wish I have magic so I can read your mind and understand you better than I do now.
I wish the world could be more inclusive, protective and understanding of people like you so I won’t have to be afraid. Afraid of what might happen if I (or me and your tita olay) passed on ahead of you. The things I worry about kills me. I try to shrug it off and cherish the now. I pray the divine give me strength and support to help you express yourself better while there’s time.
I know you can’t read this but the world and the universe can. All I wish and pray for is a safe world for persons with autism in all spectrum so that people who live and care for them don’t have to fear no more. I know this world is not a perfect place but I pray that love for humanity and everything good shines through not just for PWAs but for all of us in general.
I love you Tasha. Thank you for being my daughter. Thank you for the unconditional love you are giving me. I am blessed to have a daughter like you, I don’t have to worry of average teenager rebellion stuff because you are extraordinary. Please help mommy be a better mom to you.
Happy Birthday my love. I love you Tasha for the rest of my life and beyond.
Love,
Mommy Earth
Backstory:
Tasha was born January 9 at 11:55pm 16 years ago . She was born a healthy bouncing baby girl, she sings the ABC watches Sesame Street, giggles and plays a lot just like the average tot until she turned 2 years old when she snapped out of the average world.
I thought she just lost her hearing when she does not respond by her nickname or name, we used to call her Anya. I thought she just didn’t want to be called Anya so we change her nickname to Tasha. Same time as changing her nickname I put her through many test, including hearing if it was impaired. Her BAER test shows her hearing was fine so I went to a developmental pedia who then recommended her for MRI, ECG, etc etc.
First devped I consulted said she was Global Delayed, recommended her for theraphy so we did. Her theraphy includes speech, occupational therapy and social skills. A year later her peculiarities became more prevalent so I consulted another devped, this one said she has Aspergers, just continue the theraphy. We did. A year later I went to another devped, finally this one said it was Autism. She directed me to the right path, had me for a training and workshop so I can learn more about Autism for a couple of weeks. I did went through the denial stage, feeling helpless and lost , then anger to myself and her biological dad who never gave a cent since she was born until now (shame on you).
Being a single parent is hard because you have to be both mother (nurturer) and father (provider). Until I had to choose between a full time work or full time mom. I choose to be mom with the support of my family . It was a struggle but we pull through. I need to focus on Tasha’s theraphy and sessions and be there for her every step of the way, her toddler days was the crucial phase so at least she can cope with the world outside.
Being a full time mom is foreign to a career oriented, go-getter and achiever like me. I need to keep my sanity while being a mom . Writing is my passion and so I stared a blog, this blog and another one that documented our journey, surviving autism . Unfortunately I lost the site because I forgot to renew ugh but I have back up files I will try yo upload on a new site to help families around the world know my journey and what we do to survive 14 years with autism.
So there that’s our story.
If you are in the same situation and need someone to talk to just holer at me. I understand whatever you are going through. The divine won’t put you in a situation you can’t get through triumphantly. Hang in there.
Stay gorgeous everyone!
