Wishing for a Better Childhood

I grew up in a household full of kids. Well OK it was a compound/aparmemt complex where almost all my father’s siblings live except for one. Therefore I grew up with a lot of playmates and love and affection from my relatives. I had a great childhood.

As I write this I can’t help but feel sad for my daughter who don’t have cousins around her and the only “playmates” she could get was from those play houses in malls or when she has socialization day at school. This sucks really bad and it tears me apart. How I wish she had cousins to play with, her language skills might have developed way much faster than now. She only have adults around who are also busy with their own world.

Sometimes I wish I had other kids before her or got more after her so she got someone to be with as playmates and someone who will love and protect her who is way younger than I am for God know what might happen if I leave this world first before her. God I am making myself cry just thinking about this

But then I don’t want to burden that other child I might have of taking care of their sister because it ia not their duty to do so.

Plus, I am a single mom, I can’t and won’t go around pick another biological father to another child. If in the future I met my husband to be (or if I met him already) and he wants a child we can do that as long as I am still able to bear a child. My time is running out though.

These sentiments just ran through me as I saw kids graduating. I wish I was in a better situation so as to give my daughter the best life she deserves.

I wish there are better facilities for familiea and persons with disabilities so we don’t feel alienated and that our child can also grow in a happy childhood like I did in the 80’s where I can play outside all day and my parents don’t need to worry about the dangers of something bad happen to me because the neighborhood is safe.

How come there are lesser and lesser safe neighborhood these days? What happened to the world in the past two decades? It boggles me.

I see kids without disability bully other kids or just sit in a corner and play with their gadgets and notninteract with other kids anymore. Had I could trade their “normalcy” with my child I would.

It is not I am asking for another vetter child than I had. It is me desiring the best for my Tasha than what she has now. Tasha is already perfect the way she is, on the other hand I am not the perfect mother/parent for her. I wish I was better.

Sorry for the rant. It will be Autism Awareness/Acceptance month this April and so my sentiments just came rushing through.

Please wear blue in April 2 just to show you care and know autism exist. Thank you!

Stay gorgeous everyone!