Personal, Uncategorized

Decoding Personal Ads

Before getting involved in online dating games or site one should be very careful as anyone can pretend to be anything than their true self online.

To help out novice as well as the experts (experts in getting played) here are the translations of the terms used on dating sites. Behold, the personal ads decoded.


FIRST THE WOMEN:

• 40-ish …………… 49
• Adventurer…..Has had more partners than you ever will
• Athletic…………………..Flat-chested
• Average looking………. Ugly
• Beautiful………………… Pathological liar
• Contagious smile……… Bring your penicillin
• Educated ………………. College dropout
• Emotionally secure……. Medicated
• Feminist………………….. Fat; a ball buster
• Free spirit……………….. Substance user
• Friendship First……… Trying to live down a reputation as a slut
• Fun……………………… Annoying & Talks A Lot
• Gentle ………………… Comatose
• Good listener ……….. Borderline autistic
• New-age ………………..Body Piercing &/or Tattoos
• Old-fashioned ……….. Lights out, missionary position only
• Open-minded …………. Desperate
• Outgoing……………….. Loud
• Passionate……………… Loud
• Poet………………… …..Depressive schizophrenic
• Professional……………Aggressive &/or Overbearing
• Redhead……………….. Shops the Clairol section
• Reubenesque…………..Fat
• Romantic……………… Looks better by candlelight
• Voluptuous…………… Grossly Fat
• Weight proportional to height……Watch Out!!
• Wants soulmate……….One step away from stalking
• Widow…………………. Nagged first husband to death
• Young at heart………. Toothless crone

THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST:
• 40-ish……………….52 and looking for 25-yr-old
• Athletic…………….Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
• Average looking…Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, and back
• Educated…………..Will always treat you like an idiot
• Free Spirit………… Sleeps with your sister
• Friendship first….. As long as friendship includes touching & nudity.
• Fun……………………Good with a remote and a six pack
• Good looking………Arrogant
• Honest………………..Pathological liar
• Huggable…………….Overweight, more body hair than a buffalo
• Likes to cuddle…….Insecure, overly dependent
• Mature ……………….Until you get to know him
• Open-minded……….Wants to sleep with your sister but she’s not interested
• Physically fit…………I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself
• Poet………………….. Has written on a bathroom stall
• Spiritual……………… Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
• Stable………………… Occasional stalker, but never arrested

Share Your Thoughts Here

2 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    I, and a coworker wrote those 15 years ago. Good to see that they are still around. Some are a bit dated, and with the internet, things have changed, but on the other hand, some of them are eternal truths.

  2. Kelly

    Ha ha. Those are very accurate true meanings.

    Free spirit=Sleeps with your sister. Great!

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